Dealing with ego and realising it's ok to suck at something you just started.
Low self esteem day. It could have been triggered by something else, but it was CrossFit today. The WoD was entirely based on weightlifting and it requires technique. I struggled and had to stay on a very low weight because I couldn't get the technique right on hang power cleans and push jerks. I know I am still very new to CrossFit and have a lot to learn, but not being able to get things right felt a bit like a failure and it triggered my "not good enough" inner voice.
I have to accept being the newbie. Looking at fitness stuff online I remember seing the message “Don't be afraid to be a beginner”. I understand a bit more what it means now. I am completely new to that sport, we are doing things I have never done before. Of course I'm going to suck at it! Do we ever start anything with the full set of skills? No. The fact that I can't do things properly now doesn't mean that I am bad full stop and that it will never happen, it just means it needs work and time.
I said to my coach “It feels weird when you were top of the class at the local gym, then walk into a CrossFit box and realise you are back at the bottom.” He replied:
"Except here nobody cares. Look at him, he is 20 and very strong. He finished first with the heaviest weight. Nobody cares. Because yes he has done his best, but so has everybody else here.”
Even with the best will in the world, not comparing to others and leaving your ego at the door proves to be much easier said than done. Work in progress.